There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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