yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
