Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
