I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
