I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
