this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
