i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Found your dick twin last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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