I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
