I feel great
I just peed on a car
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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