What did we do last night that was yellow?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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