my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
