Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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