What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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