Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
