oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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