I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this hospital has no fireball
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
