we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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