good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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