Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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