Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
