There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
