yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
