I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
