I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
