its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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