My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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