you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
