I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
