We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
