i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need a beard to bite.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
