If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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