was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
