I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
