i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
