Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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