You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
