i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
