Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
