The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
