real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
