We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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