so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
