there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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