let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
