dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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