I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
