You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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