Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
