she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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