were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
