just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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