No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
