I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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