Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
