he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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