We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
