I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
